Positive Aging: How Not to Be Just Another Old Lady
Knowing the work that I do as a Retirement Coach, a
friend recently asked me if I had any suggestions for "how not to be
just another old lady." It was an interesting question, and I've given
it a lot of thought in light of the fact that many mornings I wonder who
is that aging woman staring back at me in the mirror?
It's true, I'm looking more and more like my mother (and luckily NOT
like my grandmother who was the kindest, most wonderful woman in the
world, but in every photo looks like an ax murderer). But as the neck
on my skin starts to let loose, the crow's feet around my eyes deepen
and slide down onto my cheeks, and my salt and pepper hair is looking
more salt than pepper, and frankly a little dull, I feel a terrific
disconnect with the inside me.
I don't feel like I'm getting older. I feel like I'm getting better --
smarter, wiser, and calmer. I'm more enthusiastic, energized, engaged,
joyful, at peace, content -- hopeful about the future, and excited about
all the options and opportunities now available to me. Granted, I
probably couldn't be a prima ballerina, even if I ever wanted to (which
I didn't) but there's so much more I want to see and do and be before I
die.
It saddens me so to see once gorgeous women (i.e. at the Academy Awards)
become caricatures of themselves with the desire to hang on to youth at
any cost. Positive aging is not about tightening and smoothing the
external package by erasing our history, it is about deepening and
enlivening the internal package by celebrating that history, and using
all that we've learned, and sharing our wisdom.
If you're serious about not becoming just another old lady, forget the
nipping, tucking, and Botoxing yourself into oblivion, and follow these
four rules:
Refuse to accept society's view that you're over the hill. So
what, if conventional wisdom says that aging is about decrepitude and
death. Certainly we're all headed to the same inevitable place (yes the
dreaded "D" word!), but who in the heck says we have to stop living
before we get there? My dream is that as a generation, we change forever
how future generations think about, plan for, and live in this next
stage of life. Never again will aging be equated with being over the
hill. Old ladies think they're over the hill, and they are. You don't
have to go there.
Refuse to live a traditional retirement of only rest and leisure.
Yes, getting enough rest is important, and leisure is a necessary break
from our work, but if we're not working, and we just have a steady diet
of leisure, leisure and more leisure, how healthy can that be? How you
live in this next stage of life -- formerly known as retirement --
should be as unique as your thumbprint. Old ladies buy into the
traditional retirement model, and never experience the enlivening
affects of purpose and passion. You don't have to live like that.
Refuse to be warehoused with "old" people. Now, I don't have
anything against retirement communities per se, but it seems to me
they're just another -- more glamorous -- way of warehousing us as we
age. Connection is essential at all stages of development, but never
more so than as we age. I laugh when I think about my father-in-law's
reaction to moving into independent living at 83: "There are only old
people here!" His interest in life diminished greatly when he left the
community where he was actively and continuously interacting with
younger people. Old ladies contract into and cut themselves off from
interconnecting with the "outside" world. You don?t have to.
Refuse to act your age -- whatever that means. A look in the
mirror aside, don't fall prey to what's expected of you as you age. You
know, like "take it easy" or "you should" or "you shouldn't" or you fill
in the blank. One of the perks of aging is to let it all hang out. That
means being authentically yourself in all our curiosity, enthusiasm,
interests, and adventures. Give up looking good, for living life fully.
Old ladies act like old ladies. You don't have to act -- just be
yourself.
One more thing: absolutely, positively stop thinking of yourself as an
old lady. You can be, each year, a new and improved version of you with
more wisdom, clarity, peace, joy, love and delight.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Certified Retirement Coach Lin Schreiber, author of
the popular The ABC's of Revolutionizing Retirement, helps
self-reliant women reinvent themselves in the next stage of life,
formerly known as "retirement." If you're ready to plan for this next
transition in your life, schedule your complimentary coaching
consultation with Lin at
http://www.RevolutionizeYourRetirement.com. |
